• Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• If a 24hour store is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
• If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when  you turn on the headlights?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
• If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
• When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
• If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
• Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
• How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Why do they call it a television set when you only get one?
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
• How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
• If you had everything, where would you keep it?

Idiosyncrasies of the English language

Have you ever wondered at the illogical lunacy of the English language?
Do you ever wonder how we manage to understand each other?

• Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
• If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
• Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,
• ...................that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal?
• If teachers taught, why didn't a preacher praught?
• How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?
• How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
• Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
• Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated,  ruly or peccable?
• And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens?
• A fly cannot bird, but a bird can fly
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
• You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
• English was invented by people, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, isn't a race at all.
• That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
• And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up something I'm doing, I end it.

Question that do not seem to have answers

• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that:
• ~electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
• What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
• What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
• What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
• What happened to the first 6 'ups'?
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
• What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
• What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
• What is a 'free' gift? Aren't all gifts free?
• When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
• When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
• Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?
• Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?
• Who's cruel idea was is to put the 's' in lisp?
• Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders?
• Why can't you make another word using all the letters in 'anagram'?
• Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
• Why do doctors call what they do practice?
• Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
• Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
• Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
• Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?
• Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
• Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
• If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is a fog horn made out of?
• If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Join Chantaclair's Parlor Enter your name and email address: Name:  Email:  Subscribe Unsubscribe If you enjoyed this, please feel free  to forward to your friends